


How to Heal

by JiminWreckedSugaBias



Series: Maknae Line Hurt/Comfort Fics [24]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Zhong Chen Le-centric, cute fluff at the end, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-25 23:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17735000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminWreckedSugaBias/pseuds/JiminWreckedSugaBias
Summary: Chenle. Hated. Angry shouting.He absolutely hated it.He knew that it was because his parents fought a lot before he went to become a trainee.He would always hide in his room, but he would get in trouble if he played music too loud, and his headphones never drowned out the shouts enough.He always heard every word being violently thrown.And he never thought it would become a problem after he had left China.Sure, the Dreamies yelled at each other, but it was broken up by Mark or Haechan pretty soon after it started, so Chenle never noticed any anxiety towards the raised voices.But now?A huge argument broke out within the youngest sub group.





	How to Heal

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ WHOLE NOTE
> 
> Requested by "angeljisungie"
> 
> Thank you so much for the request, it was actually really fun to write!! 
> 
> POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING!  
> This fanfictions deals with PTSD, flashbacks, and other possible triggering content. If you get triggered by written descriptions of abuse of any kind, this is not for you. It isn't deeply or well described, but it could still possibly trigger someone with severe PTSD, so this is just a warning. Violence is not graphically described, just mentioned. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you like the fic!

Chenle. Hated. Angry shouting. 

 

He absolutely hated it. 

 

He knew that it was because his parents fought a lot before he went to become a trainee. They would shout at each other all the time, throw things, break things, and sometimes his dad would even hit his mom. 

 

He would always hide in his room, but he would get in trouble if he played music too loud, and his headphones never drowned out the shouts enough. 

 

He always heard every word being violently thrown. 

 

And he never thought it would become a problem after he had left China. 

 

Sure, the Dreamies yelled at each other, but it was broken up by Mark or Haechan pretty soon after it started, so Chenle never noticed any anxiety towards the raised voices. 

 

But now? 

 

A huge argument broke out within the youngest sub group. 

 

Renjun and Jisung had gotten into a fight over whether or not Jisung should be dating at his age and while he’s in the industry. 

 

Jisung had tried to kindly say that it wasn’t the older’s business but he appreciated the concern (but Chenle could hear that his kind voice was forced), but Renjun didn’t give up. 

 

With every sentence that was spoken their voices raised in volume, and the louder it got, the more anxious Chenle got. 

 

“IT ISN’T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS, JEONGIN AND I LOVE EACH OTHER AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO CHANGE MY-”

 

_ SMASH _

 

…

 

Silence

 

…

 

Footsteps

 

...

 

_ SLAM _

 

More silence. 

 

Thirty seconds passed and Chenle knew there were people moving around him, going to Jisung to comfort the boy after Renjun had smashed his fist on the kitchen counter and stormed out, slamming the door on his way out. 

 

But Chenle couldn’t see anything, not really. 

 

His eyes were filling with tears and it felt like he wasn’t breathing. 

 

He felt like he wasn’t even in the dorm. 

 

He was back home, in his room, trying to tune out the muffled sounds of his parents fighting. 

 

He needed out, but he didn’t know how to get there. 

 

Everything was going black around the edges, and the living room and the visual of his bedroom door were morphing into one image. 

 

“-enle, LeLe,”

 

Someone was calling his name. All of what he was seeing was delayed from what he was hearing, he didn’t understand. 

 

“What’s happening?” Was that Jisung? Was he okay?

 

“I don’t know, he just- shit he isn’t breathing!”

 

“What?!”

 

Loud. Too loud. 

 

More tears filled his eyes as he felt fire in his chest. His lungs were begging for oxygen, but he just  _ couldn’t. _

 

“Chenle, you need to breathe, can you hear me?” 

 

“Hyung, should I call Taeyong hyung?” 

 

“Please do, Jaeminnie.”

 

More footsteps. Somewhere in Chenle’s mind he registered that Jaemin was going to call their leader. 

 

“Chenle, please give me some kind of sign you hear me.” 

 

Chenle wanted to prove he could hear whoever it was that was talking to him. Everything sounded like he was hearing it through water and cotton. 

 

He focused everything on his head and slowly, but weakly, nodded his head. 

 

He heard a few sighs followed by a few gasps for breath. 

 

They were relieved.

 

“Chenle, I need you to focus on my voice, okay? I need you to nod if you can understand me.” 

 

He nodded again, a bit faster than he had before. 

 

It was a strange feeling. He could feel his head nodding, but he felt disconnected from the feeling. He felt like he was just a bubble, but there was something surrounding him that could feel and move. 

 

“Chenle, do you know who I am?”

 

“Hyung, why would you ask that?”

 

“Because I don’t think he’s really aware of everything. He can hear me, but it took him so long to respond.”

 

Chenle didn’t know what to do. He was becoming slightly more aware of what was going on around him as he listened to the voices around him. The second person to speak had been Haechan. That much he knew, and he knew Haechan was a safe hyung. 

 

“Chenle, I need you to try and breathe for me, okay? You haven’t breathed.” 

 

He hasn’t? 

 

Maybe that explains why he’s so light headed. 

 

He tried. He focused hard on where he knew his chest would be, but it was hard.

 

He was now aware of two things. 

 

The first thing is that his chest  _ hurt _ . It felt like it was on fire from how desperate it was to get oxygen back in it. 

 

The second was that it was Mark who had been giving him instructions and asking him questions this whole time. 

 

He focused a bit more, and he managed to take a very small breath, but it wasn’t nearly enough. 

 

“Chenle, I know you’re tired baby, but I really need you to take a deeper breath.” 

 

He thought he could cry with how exhausted he was, but he was also too tired to cry. 

 

“Chenle, aegi,” Chenle knew that voice. 

 

That was Taeyong. 

 

“Baby, you need to breathe. Hyung needs you to breathe.” Taeyong sounded a bit desperate, and Chenle really wanted to listen and breathe, but he… he couldn’t. He was still scared even though there wasn’t shouting around him. 

 

Now he was scared that he couldn’t breathe, and the fear was making it harder to try to bring air into his lungs. 

 

“Haechannie, I need you to bring me the emergency oxygen machine.” 

 

There was a scurrying and Chenle assumed it was Haechan going to do as he was told. 

 

“Hyung, does he really need that?” 

 

“He isn’t able to breathe on his own, but his airway isn’t blocked. My next move if this doesn’t work is doing CPR.” Taeyong said, his voice serious. 

 

“Should he be laying down or should we sit him up?” 

 

Wait, was he laying down? But he was sitting when the fight broke out.

 

“Laying. His body might do better if it isn’t trying to stay upright. Plus, I don’t know if he can sit up right now.” 

 

“I got it!”

 

“Good, thank you Hyuckie.” 

 

A few seconds went by before something was being pressed to his face and a small noise was heard. 

 

And suddenly oxygen was entering his lungs. 

 

He felt a bit more aware with every passing second, but he still couldn’t bring the muscles around his lungs to function on their own. 

 

“His chest still isn’t moving.” Mark said. 

 

“Chenle, I need you to nod or shake your head as an answer to my questions, okay? It’s important.” 

 

Chenle nodded slowly at Taeyong’s statement, showing he understood. 

 

“Do you feel like you can’t breathe?” 

 

He nodded. 

 

“Is it too hard to try to breathe?” 

 

Another nod. 

 

“Is your airway blocked?”

 

He shook his head this time, but it took longer because he hadn’t done that before. As more time went on, he was becoming more aware of where his body was. He knew he was on the ground now, his hand was being held by someone, but despite his eyes being open, he still couldn’t see. 

 

“Chenle, I need you to try really hard to take a big breath on your own. If you can’t, I have to call for an ambulance and I might have to do CPR if you still aren’t breathing on your own.”

 

Chenle focused and took a few tiny breaths, his lungs feeling cold as he did, but it was better than the burning desperation from before. 

 

The more he took the tiny breaths, the more aware he was and the less dark his vision was becoming. 

 

He tried really hard, but when he tried to take a deeper breath, he nearly choked. 

 

“Chenle, listen to me. I’m gonna try something. I can see that you’re aware enough to listen to my instructions and you’re response time to them is good. I’m not going to call for an ambulance unless what I’m about to try doesn’t work. Do you trust me?” 

 

Chenle nodded his head fast, and more purposeful than before. 

 

After he nodded, there was a second of silence before the thing on his face (that he now figured was a mask for the oxygen machine) was taken off. Chenle only had enough time to remind himself not to panic before he felt a warmth on his lips. 

 

He didn’t have too much time to contemplate before air was being forced, slowly but steadily, into his mouth and then into his lungs. 

 

He felt his lungs actually expand, and it kind of hurt, but he put up with it. 

 

The warmth went away, and he felt himself exhale. When he was done exhaling, the warmth was back again, and more air was being pushed into his lungs. 

 

His vision was coming back, but he could only see blobs. 

 

He felt himself exhale again, and then the warm-

 

Lips. They were lips. 

 

Taeyong was giving him mouth to mouth. 

 

Chenle focused his energy and this time when Taeyong forced a breath into his lungs, Chenle took as deep of a breath as he could to try and help his lungs remember what they were supposed to do. 

 

“Chenle, I want you to try taking a breath on your own. As deep as you can.” Taeyong said before he put the oxygen mask back to his face. 

 

Chenle nodded and closed his eyes, taking a few small breaths before he forced himself to take a large breath, coughing a bit when he breathed too deep. 

 

His mini coughing fit was over soon after it started, and he was panting when it was done. 

 

His vision was mostly back, and now he could see the concerned looks on his hyungs and Jisung, Haechan and the youngest having tears in their eyes. 

 

Mark was holding onto a phone, but wasn’t talking on it. Chenle imagines the oldest was just ready just in case Taeyong said to call for an ambulance. 

 

“Chenle, aegi, look at me.” Chenle looked back to Taeyong as he took another breath, his lungs not burning as much now that pure oxygen was being provided. 

 

“LeLe,” Taeyong started, “can you nod and shake your head to the questions I have? I don’t want you to speak yet, just focus on breathing.” 

 

Chenle nodded, and Taeyong did back. 

 

“Baby, do you think you need a hospital?” Chenle thought about it before shaking his head. He was breathing fine on his own, he could see, and he was aware of where his body was now. He would be fine. 

 

“Do you feel up to answering questions about what happened?” Chenle took a second to answer that one, taking a deep breath and hesitantly nodding his head. 

 

“Here,” Haechan sat next to him and gently grabbed his hand, “if you need to stop, squeeze my hand, okay?” 

 

Chenle smiled at the older and nodded to him before turning back to Taeyong. 

 

“Do you know what just happened?” 

 

Chenle thought about it before shrugging. He didn’t really understand it at all, but he had an idea? But since this was yes or no and the answer wasn’t that simple, he figured shrugging was his next best option. 

 

“Do you know what triggered it?” He nodded. 

 

“Wait,” Jisung said faintly, looking a bit pale, “was it me and Renjun hyung fighting?” 

 

How could he answer this one? He could say yes, but it also wasn’t necessarily the fighting. 

 

“LeLe,” Haechan said softly, “was it the shouting?” Chenle closed his eyes and took a breath before nodding his head. 

 

“How did you know, Haechan?” Mark asked. 

 

“We fight all the time, and he’s never reacted like that before.”

 

“Aegi, do you know why you reacted to the shouting like that?” Taeyong asked a bit hesitantly. Chenle felt tears form in his eyes as he nodded, and he squeezed Haechan’s hand as tight as he could without hurting the older. 

 

“Taeyong hyung, stop.” Haechan said before gently petting Chenle’s hair. 

 

Taeyong nodded and closed his eyes. He needed to figure out how to proceed as leader. Of course he wouldn’t ask more questions right now, but he knew he would have to give this new information to their manager and the rest of the members eventually. Preferably with more information and also with Chenle there or with the boy’s permission. 

 

“Hyung-” Chenle tried to speak, but he ended up sighing and taking a deep breath. 

 

“Baby, don’t try to talk. Hyuckie, do you think you could carry Chenle to his room if I carry the oxygen machine?” Taeyong asked. Haechan nodded and gently picked up the younger, slowly standing with the help of Mark. They slowly made their way to the younger’s room, Mark staying behind Haechan as they walked. 

  
  


The rest of the day was a blur for Chenle. He mostly slept, but someone woke him up every once in a while and checked to make sure he was still breathing fine on his own before leaving to let him sleep some more. 

 

He did notice, however, that one person had always been in the room every time he was woken up. 

 

Taeyong. 

 

He wonders if the man just stayed there while he slept as well. 

 

He wouldn’t be surprised if he had. 

 

When he woke up the last time, he was confused. No one had actually woken him by calling him or shaking him lightly like the other times. 

 

So he listened for a moment to see if something outside the room might have woken him. 

 

“-isn’t my fault!”

 

“Not saying it is, calm down or you’ll wake him up.”

 

Oh. Renjun was back, and his voice was still loud. 

 

“Lele, do you want headphones?” Taeyong asked. Chenle jumped a bit but shook his head.

 

“It isn’t that loud.” He said, his voice a bit scratchy, but okay besides that. 

 

“Chenle, can I ask you a couple questions? You can refuse to answer any of these if they make you uncomfortable.” 

 

Chenle nodded and took a deep breath of the oxygen. 

 

“You said it was the shouting that triggered it. Was there… a lot of shouting back at home before you got here?” 

 

“Yeah. My parents fought all the time when I told them I wanted to become an idol. My mom supported me, but… not my dad. He said he regretted having another kid.”

 

“Said that to your mom?” 

 

“To me.” 

 

There was silence after his confession, just the white noise of the oxygen to fill the void. 

 

“Chenle, something else happened. Something associated with the yelling to make you this scared.”

 

Chenle stayed silent for a moment, and Taeyong was almost afraid the younger wouldn’t answer. 

 

“My dad was violent. He yelled at me when I talked to them about becoming an idol, he threw a vase at the wall when I came home with a permission slip from the website so I could go to auditions, and when he found out I went behind his back to get the one signature I needed from mom he told me I shouldn’t have been born, sent me to my room, and they argued for a while before I heard him slap mom and leave the house.” 

 

Taeyong was in shock. He didn’t know that Chenle had been through all that before coming to Korea. 

 

“Baby, did he ever hit you?” Chenle’s silence and blank look made Taeyong’s fear rise. 

 

“Only once. It was when I told him that I got accepted. Told him I was going to come here whether he liked it or not. He slapped me across the face and tried to push me down the stairs, but my mom saved me. She ended up in the hospital and she lives with my grandmother now.” 

 

Taeyong took a few moments to collect his thoughts. He remembered key things from his psychology class, and he sees them in Chenle right now. He took a deep breath before speaking. 

 

“Chenle, I think you have PTSD.” 

 

“W-What?” Chenle’s lost expression made the leader’s heart break. 

 

“Post traumatic stress disorder. It happens when someone goes through a very scary or traumatic experience like that and doesn’t have time or a way to deal with the aftermath of it properly.”

 

“I…” Chenle didn’t know what to say. “What happens now?” 

 

“We have to talk to management. You’ve never had problems at concerts, so I think this is only yelling when anger is associated, but management needs to know. If this happens again, I don’t want them finding out the hard way.” 

 

“Won’t they be mad?” 

 

“Mad at what?” Taeyong asked, his wide eyes filled with confusion. “This isn’t something that’s in your control. You’ve managed to show no signs of it until today, and this only happened because Renjun doesn’t know how to control his anger.” 

 

“So… how do I get this under control?”

 

“Therapy. First we need to take you so you can get an official diagnosis. After that, you can talk to the therapist in a safe environment so they can figure out the best way to help you through this.” 

 

Chenle closed his eyes and took a deep breath, looking at Taeyong after he gathered his thoughts. 

 

“Okay. But… can you come with me for the first couple appointments?” He asked, and Taeyong smiled. 

 

“I’ll personally make sure the appointments are scheduled when I have free time to go with you.” 

 

Chenle smiled at the leader. “Hyung, I… can we cuddle?” 

 

Taeyong smiled and nodded, going to sit on the bed before adjusting Chenle so he would be half laying on him and then laying down himself. He made sure the tube for the oxygen wasn’t tangled or pinched before he got comfortable. 

 

“When can the mask come off?” Chenle asked. 

 

“Maybe tonight, but you can take a break when we eat meals.” The younger sighed, but he couldn’t really say anything. 

 

He loved the care and concern that Taeyong was showing. He didn’t get a lot of time to spend with the older, so he would take what he could get. 

  
  


…

  
  


Two weeks pass and it’s time for Chenle’s first appointment with the therapist. He was surprised at how fast he was able to get one, but he figured that no one messed with Taeyong when it came to the Dreamies. Not even their own manager. 

 

“Are you ready, LeLe?” Taeyong asked when the therapist called his name. She was a nice looking woman, a bit shorter than Chenle himself, and she had a kind smile as she patiently waited for Chenle to approach. 

 

Chenle took a deep breath and nodded, standing up and walked to her with his hyung by his side. 

 

He was ready to talk about it, ready to learn how to put it behind him. 

 

He has a new family now, he has Mark and Taeyong who basically acted as his new parental figures, and he wanted to figure out how to cope with what happened to him so he doesn’t keep putting his new family through what they witnessed those few weeks ago. 

 

He was ready to learn how to heal.

**Author's Note:**

> That was hella long, I know. I may or may not have written all that in under an hour. Inspiration hit me in the face and I kind of just... went with it. Didn't stop. 
> 
> Whelp. Hope you liked it! Tell me what you think!
> 
> (Also I know that certain things in here weren't accurate usage, please don't try to lecture me in the comments lol)
> 
> Requests are open, just please be aware that it might take me super long to get to it. 
> 
> BTS - Astro - Seventeen - NCT - Stray Kids - Wanna One


End file.
